I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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