I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
