I'm so fucking centered right now
oh god the rape fog is back!
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
