I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
