cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
