good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
