before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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