Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
There r osticjed everywhere
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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