I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
