I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
