You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
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