Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
