i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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