but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
