I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
