i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
