So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I cannot find my penis.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
