Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
