woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
