Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
