Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
