Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
