I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
