a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
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