Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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