the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
