is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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