I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
