If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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