i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Randomize
