He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
