Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
