i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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