I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
