i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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