In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
