I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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