does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
