Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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