I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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