He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
