He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
