ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
