I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
