TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
