I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
