Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
