So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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