wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
