Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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