Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
