you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
