I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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