I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
